Protected: hard feelings, part 2

i hope i don’t sound like a complete witch for saying this, but it’s really been bothering me, so i figured i needed to get it out somewhere.

i continue to have feelings of animosity toward my brother. he got married two weeks after me (and actually called me while i was on my honeymoon to say he was going to elope while we were gone), and i’ve been resentful because i felt like he stole my thunder. maybe i’m being spoiled or selfish, but i kind of wanted the attention on my wedding. instead, the first weekend we were back from our honeymoon, everyone was focused on ryan and oriona’s upcoming wedding. our trip was an afterthought.

then, in january, we found out they were pregnant. from what i’ve heard, they weren’t planning it, but that still doesn’t make me feel any better. i really wanted to have the first local grandchild. i don’t know why, but i just did. maybe it’s because i’m five years older than him. i don’t know. what makes it worse is that they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. she dropped out of school. he’s still attending. they both work part time. and they’re not worried at all about how they will support this child. i don’t think they have any idea how much a baby costs. and, when my parents or i try to advise them, they get mad and say very hurtful things. they think they know everything. come on, they’re 21 and 20. i didn’t know anything when i was that age!

now, they want to break their lease and move into a nicer, more expensive place. again, they have no idea what they’re getting into. and i’m resentful because i know it’s all being paid for. her parents are paying their bills and basically every other expense they have. theoretically, that will end in september, but they’re not going to let their daughter be in a situation where she has no money. i guess i’m a little jealous. it sure would be nice to have someone paying my bills! what did they do to deserve it…throw together a shotgun wedding? that’s really mature.

of course, i probably sound immature. i’m glad joe and i don’t need to be supported by anyone. i’m glad we can live on our own. and i know ryan will be indebted to his in-laws forever. he’s in a situation no one should be in. and it’s a situation in which they will never learn how to grow up, be mature and support themselves.

so if i know this, why am i still so jealous?

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5 Comments »

  1. 1

    It’s just natural Cady — that would suck, and I know I’d be feeling some resentment over those things.

    You’ve got the right idea though, things will catch up with them and they’ll need to LEARN to grow up, probably the hard way. At least you know that you’ve done things yourself & w/ Joe, and you’re in control of your life.

    (But still, natural. Very natural!)

  2. 2
    Chas Says:

    Jealousy is the crummiest emotion, b/c you can’t stop it and it never makes you feel better. I’ve felt this way many many times. When I had Lila, three of my cousins all of a sudden turned up pregnant, and that really pissed me off b/c I’d worked so long to have a baby (of course no one knew that). Two were unplanned, one wasn’t even married at the time, and one actually considered abortion (or said she did) even though she was married. I’d just had my miracle baby and suddenly everyone else is getting the attention, b/c I’m sure you know that pregnant women get all the attention.

    Don’t worry though, your brother and his wife will figure out everything that you already know. They’ll soon realize how expensive a baby is. My above mentioned cousin and her now husband didn’t have jobs when they got pregnant, and now they’ve worked it out (with the help of family), he has a full time job, and she stays home with the baby. They will grow up very quickly if they’re good parents.

  3. 3
    tara Says:

    You’ve got the right idea — knowing you guys can make it on your own and your brother, etc., will struggle. Take comfort in the fact that you DON’T need help. You’re much better off.

    I hear ya on the “why couldn’t the focus just be on me” thing. For my wedding, I had no less than 6 people vying to be the center of attention. And if you’re like me, and I think you are, you always did what you were supposed to do, never made any trouble or a big fuss about anything. So when you want a big fuss about something, people seem somewhat surprised by it all.

    Families are weird.

    Just enjoy being a grown-up, self-supporting and make your own “I’m the center of the universe” moments at home with your man. 🙂

  4. 4
    Laurel Says:

    It is HARD to be the responsible one all the time.

    AS’s brother and sister-in-law have a lot of money. AS’s parents, while not rich, have been financially responsible and are well-prepared for retirement. S-I-L’s mother never bought a house or saved money for retirement. Now, AS’s brother has purchased a nice condo or S-I-L’s mother–near their home and the grandkids.

    So now, AS’s mother feels excluded because she doesn’t get to be the living-in-a-close-condo grandma just because she was a responsible adult!

    GAH!

  5. 5
    Liz Says:

    I don’t blame you at all for feeling that way. I would too. But don’t worry… your special time will come. I’d just keep praying for them that they get their act together or that poor baby is going to have a rough life.


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