Protected: for the girls

my younger brother called on saturday to tell me that his wife is pregnant. they have been married for four months.

the first thing i said was, “don’t you guys use birth control?”

it sounds rude now, but at the time i didn’t know what to think or how to react. this is a very sensitive issue with me because i really want to have a baby. however, we have agreed to wait until joe gets a better paying job and i am able to quit my job that requires me to work late nights. it really does make sense, and we’re planning to start trying in june, but that doesn’t quell my desire *now* to have a baby.

i’m jealous of my sister-in-law, not only because i want to have a baby, but because i know they’re not prepared for one. they’re both college students and have only after school jobs paying the bills. she now has dropped out of school. and they don’t sound at all concerned, which is what worries me the most. i might feel a little better about it knowing that they are scared to death. i know i’ll be worried when i get pregnant, and we’ll have two good incomes.

i feel like i’m a bad sister: i’m jealous, and i tell myself things like, “it’s ok because our baby will be able to have everything it wants and needs.” i know i should be happy for them, but i’m just not. not yet, at least. i know we’re doing this the right way (which my dad has told me numerous times). we’ll have a house when we have a baby, and i most likely will only have to work part-time, which is the most i want to do. i know i will be happy for them. i just wonder how long it’s going to take.

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5 Comments »

  1. 1
    Laura Says:

    I am in some kind of realm right now where I’m not obsessively jealous over people who announce they are pregnant. Not sure where it came from, and I’m pretty sure it won’t last, because previously I always had that bitter twinge, too. It’s weird what emotions you sign on for as a married woman. That should definitely be in the fine print somewhere.

  2. 2
    Sara Says:

    Wow…that’s crazy. I guess if they aren’t concerned about it, then they must have thought about some kind of plan…maybe??? I guess the only thing you can do now is to be supportive of them and just think – you are going to be an Aunt!! I know being a mom is something you REALLY want right now, but trust me, when the time is right, it will happen. And sometimes unexpected suprises turn out to be the best suprises (i.e. my daughter). So don’t get down b/c they are pregnant…you are doing the smart thing by considering how it will affect your lives. Being a parent is a big change, and I am not sure how old your brother is (I know he’s younger from reading) but maybe he just doesn’t have the “grown up” mentatilty that you have. He’ll learn, he’ll learn really quickly!

  3. 3
    cady Says:

    i forgot to mention he’s 21 and she’s 20. they were planning on going to oxford next year for school, and he loves to travel, but none of that can happen anymore. they’re losing their young adulthoods, and they won’t realize that until it’s gone.

  4. 4
    Laura Says:

    Also, Cady, doesn’t it so often seem like we suffer for making the “right” decisions?? Been like that for me, my whole life. Argh, I know exactly what you mean.

  5. 5
    Liz Says:

    I know how you feel. I have a 20 year unmarried cousin who is due to have her second baby in a couple of weeks, just before her son\’s first birthday. I love her, but I really feel that she\’s not thinking about the life her children are going to have. Not to mention that she\’ll now never have an education and never have the lifestyle she deserves.


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