Archive for September 2005


September 29, 2005

i hate surprises. actually, i love them, but i hate not knowing something. i guess it’s the natural curiosity and nosiness in me (hey, the nosiness is what makes good journalists!;)

during the last week i managed to ruin two surprises. last week i had a really rough day. everything that could go wrong did. isn’t that how it always is? while i was talking to joe on the phone i told him it would be nice if he brought me flowers every now and then (and yes, he has done it before:). he got quiet and said, “actually, i was planning on bringing you flowers tonight since you’ve had such a hard day.” sigh. that was ruined surprise no. 1.

ruined surprise no. 2 happened tuesday night. i met joe at his parking deck to go to the braves game. they were expected to clinch that night (and did. yay! but this is for another post), so we were both excited. we started talking about our upcoming wedding (hopefully next year!), and i said it would be cool if he brought up wedding plans sometimes instead of me. he said, “actually, i’ve been putting things together and i was going to show you a whole package of stuff in a few weeks. i wanted to surprise you.”

sigh. he’s so sweet. i hate surprises, but i hate ruining surprises even more.


a warning for my fellow cat owners

September 26, 2005

aj is spending the night at the vet. he’s probably scared to be alone and locked in a cage, and i’m scared to death. when i took him in, they put him ahead of everyone else because they were in a hurry to get his vital signs. the vet says his heart is beating very rapidly, and his pupils were incredibly dilated. he got several shots to sedate him and slow his heartbeat, and he’s staying for observation tonight.

why did all this happen? because of the grand old company called hartz. last weekend we used hartz flea and tick drops on the three cats, and last night we used the 2 in 1 flea and tick cat spray. when dizzy started getting sick we called the emergency animal clinic. bathe them immediately, the clinic workers told us. that stuff is deadly.

we bathed them, and julius and dizzy seemed fine. but all day today aj has been sitting in one place and staring. he never acknowledged me when i called him. he never came upstairs. he didn’t eat. he didn’t drink. he didn’t play. he just sat and stared. it was very odd and very scary.

after researching the products online i discovered the drops i used on aj are being discontinued. hartz now admits it causes horrible things to happen to cats, and they’re discontinuing it march 31, 2006. excuse me? you’re saying that this can be fatal for a cat and you’re going to wait a year to remove the product? i don’t think so.

the vet says he thinks aj will be ok, but i must admit that saying “i think he’ll be ok” isn’t very comforting to me considering i had a family pet put to sleep on saturday. i’m on edge, and i’ll be on edge all night. julius is missing his brother too.

so tomorrow after my 2 p.m. meeting i get to pick my little guy up. i hope he’s better. and hartz will be getting a phone call from me, and i plan to go to the walmart we bought the spray at and give the manager there a piece of my mind. while i’m at it, i’ll probably have a chat with the manager of the kroger i bought the drops at, since they’re being discontinued and all.

i understand these people have no consciousness and no heart, but something needs to be said. for me and for all the other cat owners who have purchases these products.

dizzy’s reign of terror

September 25, 2005

dizzy’s reign of terror

“no, dizzy,” “stop, dizzy,” and “dizzy, don’t” have become my new favorite phrases.

joe’s cat simply can’t come over without tearing the house apart! take his last visit. he tore a hole in the shower curtain liner. notice the bite marks he used to mark his terrority.

he chewed up the blinds in my bedroom.

and this time he ate the rose joe got me the day before, and then knocked the vase over and soaked my bed. i spent last night blowdrying the mattress. sigh.

i’m scared to see what will happen the next time he comes up.

r.i.p. colby

September 24, 2005

colby van dolson died saturday, sept. 24. he was 6.

my parents noticed last night that he was lethargic, and he’d been losing weight, so this morning he took him to the vet. joe and i were on our way to church when my mom called to let us know, so we went to the vet to see him one last time. we thought he either had leukemia or kidney disease. he had feline aids. you never really think about your pets getting aids. at least i didn’t.

colby was probably one of the sweetest cats our family had. he tried to get along with the other cats, and was always grateful for being rescued. i found colby about five years ago when i was in college. he was the thatcher hall cat. he lived outside my dorm, and some of the girls, myself included, would put food out for him. when i heard the deans were planning to take him to the pound, i took him to my parents house. i wasn’t going to run the risk of him being put to sleep at the pound, and i knew my parents wouldn’t mind.

my dad always called colby “the educated cat.”

“he’s a college man,” my dad would say with a smile.

colby spent a lot of time on our screened back porch. he loved it out there. everytime i went home i’d find him there sleeping. he also loved the whisker lickin cat treats i introduced him to. he was so cute.

my parents could tell he was in pain the last few weeks though. the last few days my dad would watch out the kitchen window as colby walked painfully through the backyard to the lake where he would climb into the motorized boat and just sit and look at the lake. he’d never done that before. last night, colby climbed upstairs to my parents bedroom and jumped up on the bed to sit with them. he’d never done that before either. it makes me think he knew he was dying.

we’re naming the boat “the colby” in his memory. we’ll stencil the letters on and paint them in orange. i think it’s only right.

as sad as i am today, i’m glad he’s not in pain anymore. he was a great cat. rest in peace colby. i love you.

fun at the fair

September 23, 2005

last night, joe and i went to the bartow county fair.
it was fun, and i lot of fun people watching at the redneck mecca. the ferris wheel operator was sporting quite the mullet and jamming away to creedence clearwater revival.

we rode the ali baba, a ride that swings you side to side and around in a circle. i was not fun on the ride. i’m scared to death of heights and, since i almost fell out of a roller coaster when i was little, i’m still scared of falling off a ride. hehe.

we played a racing game where your monkey moves depending on which hole you roll your ball in, and i won a green frog the first time, and we lost the second time. it was still fun, and all the losers got mardi gras beads. woo hoo.

we ended our night with the ferris wheel. our lovely and attractive operator only filled four cars per ride. it was pretty stupid. there’s a line of people and most of the cars were empty. *shrugs shoulders* oh well.

here’s my hottie on the ferris wheel.

and a not so cute me.

mmm…i just love the fair!

the bar mitzvah

September 23, 2005

i have never gone to anything like zach’s bar mitzvah before. we hit the road around 8 or 9 p.m. and arrived in columbia, s.c. well after midnight.

Saturday morning was the bar mitzvah service. It’s just like a typical church service, joe told me. it was interesting for me to see a service, hear the torah readings in hebrew, etc. after two hours, joe and i left for a bathroom break. from the hall we could hear zach talking. it’s almost over, joe said.

an hour later, the service ended. conservative services normally last a lot longer than reform services, but it was still very interesting to me.

we went back to our hotel room, snacked (there wasn’t much at the lunch) and took a quick nap. then we were up and getting ready for the party. or should i say i was getting ready for the party. for once joe’s sister was done before me, but i attribute that to the fact that i decided to curl my hair.

it was quite the party — very, very fancy. a professional photographer was there taking family pictures, and she took one of me and joe as well. we all stood out in the foyer of the convention center mingling and finally were allowed into the dining hall. it was absolutely gorgeous. the lights were low and there were circular tables throughout the room around the dance floor. food stations were situated in each corner. in italy we could choose from pesto pasta, marinara pasta and fettucine alfredo. china had eggrolls and a few other dishes. in new york, there was green beans, roasted potatoes and meat. it was amazing. joe’s sister, rachel, and i told the server at the italy station that we’d just move our table over to him.

here’s a picture of me and joe. i seem to blend into the background.

and here is rachel and her fiance, dave.

joe and i bought strobe light rings for the four of us, and we wore them all night. we call them our power rings. dave and rachel took a picture, which i will post when i get it.

hilarious complaint letter

September 23, 2005

this is one of the funniest complaint letters i have ever read. it was forwarded to joe from one of his friends. it’s everything i’ve always wanted to say to numerous companies. i think the part about the cat deposits is my favorite. please tell me you all find this as hilarious as i did!

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that you
can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website….HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server’s downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one
of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom – w**kers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day – may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.