Archive for July 2005

the apparant top fantasy of women

July 27, 2005

this morning as i was listening to the radio, one of the girls on the morning show i listen to asked her coworkers who the top celebrity women fantasize about when they’re making love is. it wasn’t brad pitt (no. 2), george clooney or matthew mcconaughy. it wasn’t even tom cruise (no. 6).

it was … johnny depp. yep. you read correctly. i was shocked. he’s not that cute (especially not as willy wonka), and definitly not cuter than the above mentioned men. i’m shocked. who would you choose?

i have a worth

July 27, 2005

I am worth $1,827,658 on HumanForSale.com

and here i thought you couldn’t put a value on me!

the best game ever

July 27, 2005

i watched the most fantastic baseball game i’ve ever seen last night. braves v nationals, both teams tied for first in their division. at the end of the ninth the score is tied 2-2. it’s the top of the 10th. the nationals get three outs with no runs. the braves come up. two outs later, bases are loaded. andruw jones comes up to bat. he’s the home run king of the braves, so i’m hoping he’ll hit one out of the park for a grand slam. but no. the nationals’ pitcher throws four balls, walking the winning run in for the braves. absolutely amazing. joe went nuts. i just sat on the couch in shock. i don’t think that closer will be pitching again anytime soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

so now the braves are in first, one game up on the nationals. the rest of the three-game series should be great.

here’s the story in today’s ajc.

they came up with their own rules

July 25, 2005

following the women (isn’t that how it always happens??) the men have come up with their own set of rules. hmmm. that’s all i have to say. how about you?

the guys’ rules
at last, a guy has taken the time to write this all down. finally, the guys’ side of the story. (i must admit, it’s pretty good.)

we always hear “the rules” from the female side. now here are the rules from the male side. these are our rules! please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. learn to work the toilet seat. you’re a big girl. if it’s up, put it down. we need it up, you need it down. you don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. sunday sports. it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. let it be.

1. shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. crying is blackmail.

1. ask for what you want. let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! just say it!

1. yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. that’s what we do. sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. a headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor.

1. anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. in fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days..

1. if you think you’re fat, you probably are. don’t ask us.

1. if something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both. if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is.

1. if it itches, it will be scratched. we do that.

1. if we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. we know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. if you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really.

1. don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. you have enough clothes.

1. you have too many shoes.

1. i am in shape. round is a shape.

1. thank you for reading this. yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? it’s like camping.

pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.

pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh!!

civic-oriented me

July 25, 2005

today i’m going to kiwanis to decide if it’s something i want to join. i probably will. i grew up in kiwanis, helping my dad with his club’s activities in baltimore, and now i help joe with his club’s projects in cartersville. my dad was a kiwanian, joe’s a kiwanian, so why not join?? ๐Ÿ™‚ besides, i can take all joe’s ideas from cartersville and implement them here. good plan, no? ๐Ÿ˜‰

sigh. dieting. sigh.

July 25, 2005

so the scale says i’m up half a pound. i hate it when it goes in the wrong direction, even if it’s a small amount like this. joe says not to worry about half a pound and that it could be the muscle building up from all the working out i’ve been doing. what do you all think?

my little thief

July 22, 2005

aj has a security blanket. it’s this fuzzy ball that hangs off a string attached to a pole. he drags that toy everywhere. i hear it jingling in the kitchen. i hear it jingling in the living room. i hear it jingling on the stairs. i hear it jingling on my bed at 3 a.m. the other day i came home to find his toy hanging half in the litter box. yes, my adorable little cat felt he had to take his toy with him to the bathroom. minutes later it was lying in his food bowl. he’s so cute.

that said…

aj is a clepto. yep. he’d do serious crime if i ever turned him in. i was on the phone with joe the other night while i was putting clothes away and noticed my bathtub stopper on the floor.
me: hey, aj took the bathtub stopper out of the bathtub and put it in the closet.
joe: yeah, i caught him the other morning carrying my razor downstairs.
when i move out we’re going to find a stockpile of everything we’ve been missing. aj probably laughs when he hears me complaining about not being able find something. little clepto.